Keona Williams
The technology era has changed a lot for a lot of us. If we consider how our parents dated, for instance, and how we now date there’s an entirely new and increasing social environment via the internet. One of the newest trends that we have the privy to is ghosting. Ghosting is when an individual disappears from a serious relationship for an undetermined amount of time. If the romantic relationship was serious for both ghosting isn’t a good sign. If the relationship was unreciprocated from one of the two, or more, then ghosting is the absence of closure for the one who wasn’t prepared for the relationship to end. What is closure then? Closure is an ability to proper discontinue a romantic relationship, or the proper way to end a disagreement. Previous writings discuss communication and how to properly complete the concept. The idea isn’t to overly complicate the observation of conversation, it is rather to solidify how verbal communication is viewed to the everyday individual. Closure then, is at the least dually operational. Let’s observe how and why.
More than just an emotional response regulation occurs when a romantic or lover relationship is established. There is an entire psychological response, and systematic memory connection, at the least that occurs. While I don’t know about you all, it’s a good thing for me that the mind is probably more in tune with an intimate/romantic/sexual partner than the physical heart. Don’t take it lightly though people, let’s continue observing the psychological imprint. Relationships follow and form specific connections psychologically. The classic theoretical component of nature vs. nurture observes rather our psyche is developmental of nature or nurture. Psychologically we structure concrete constructs during infancy and up until about school-aged. From there, we establish a generalized response to all sorts of possible relationships and situations. Business, friend, or romantic relationships stem from what is observed from our first relationships.
Repetitively, we connect familiar things and allow the evolution of the thought or understanding to occur when we remember, that’s when we don’t know we’re remembering also. The core of most of the social connections we create have the basis of parents or guardians. Adults generally suffice independently with the material things that we understand necessary to live an adequate life. Building from the generalized, cookie cutter, requirements from childhood we sift through deciding what should be repeated and what shouldn’t. It’s the early establishing for adulthood. Emotionally, the relationships provide and support what we no longer probably have every day from our initial nurture. There is one observation for proper closure to a romantic relationship; rather it’s known or not the romantic/sexual relationship can be as important as the relationship with family or friends.
What is closure specifically? Well, it’s the proper conclusion of a relationship. Love interest relationships can, and often do, dissipate before the other relationships experienced. Why it’s like that? There is no specific data that answers that question right now. Common sense would say that someone who we have sex with is more valuable than our friends or family, for instance. Sex doesn’t occur with friends, yet we place a higher value on friendships than romantic relationships until the romantic relationship becomes serious, an engagement, or marriage. It’s the individual that we shared intimacy with best practice says keep a lover closer than a friend. The bond we have with friends outweighs romance when it begins undoubtedly. Yet, the disregard we can have for the romance/sex relationship is uncanny. With ghosting the individuals may or may not have already had sex, it’s still a really bad way to dissolve a relationship. Closure then is a conversation, an inevitable one for some. Here are a few hints at keeping the conversation focused and directed. Feelings are already hurt, closure allows for healing to begin.
First. Initiate the conversation. An inability to initiate and be an active part of the inevitable conversation that allows for closure is the root cause for ghosting. The anxiety connected to the conversation is normal, it’s ending and someone or both are hurt. It can be difficult to reflect on the flaws of the relationship, this is especially truthful when one person has unresolved emotions. Oddly enough, closure begins to allow the feelings and emotions to move from anger or sadness to thoughts of understanding and acceptance. This can only occur once the “talk” happens. There are a few things that should be discussed during the conversation that allow for adequate information to remove the sadness and anger.
Second. Steer clear of the “it’s not you, it’s me” answer. While it makes sense to want to accept blame to spare feelings, the answer doesn’t explain what the actual problems during the relationship were. The ex hasn’t forgotten, and that answer is only likely to invoke a host of other emotions. The “it’s not you, it’s me” answer is best for relationships where sex was probably first and foremost. No one whose lain in a bed with someone, dated, or experienced some other sort of serious gesture of romance wants to hear it’s you. It wasn’t you when the relationship was right or working. It isn’t good to play at their intelligence, if the relationship was serious an ex will hear that it is something to distract from what the problems were during the relationship. It isn’t your responsibility to guard their feelings to the extent of hindering their individual growth. Instead, be sure to ask and answer questions about both the good and the bad of the relationship.
Third. Environment matters. There’s no perfect place to tell someone that you want to end a relationship. There’s no good place to hear a relationship you are part of is ending. What is important is that both of you are safe and it’s private. Privacy here doesn’t mean at each other’s homes, or a home that is shared. Ideally a soon to be ex couple could sit in the living room and have a discussion about the turmoil of the relationship and someone gets up and leaves amicably. That is ideally only, and unfortunately ideally isn’t always safely. It’s important to understand that hurt feelings are fragile. When someone is hearing something that could be hurtful, ironically sometime, a public place is best. Yes, the public place is likely to control the emotions and feelings connected to the breakup. It is least likely that anyone will misbehave to an irreparable extent when out in public. Dinner can be a solid choice. Remember content and volume of the conversation wherever the conversation occurs. It’s important to be where the conversation isn’t available for others to hear with minimal effort required. It’s already an ending relationship, you wouldn’t want to add injury to insult for either by adding embarrassment.
Fourth. Schedule a phone call.Although the relationship is ending if the couple didn’t drive to the location together it is best practice to ensure that each are home safely. Scheduling a phone call allows both individuals to step away from the situation and calm. There doesn’t need to be a specific topic, or even a super long phone call. The goal is to alleviate any negative thoughts, feelings, or emotions about the breakup. Essentially, the phone call is both parties appreciating each other’s ability to be an adult. There could be items that need to be divided, dropped off, or picked up. There could be social media updates that need to be made. Whatever the loose ends of the relationship are should be discussed and figured out during the call.
Closure then, is conversation that is constructive criticism for a relationship. It is best to allow closure for several reasons. Remember to recap the good and constructively criticize the bad. Be sure to schedule contact at least once after the breakup outing. Allow a moment for both to understand thoughts, feelings, and behaviors toward the ending of the relationship. Be prepared, present, and accepting of what is next; optimism is the key to success.
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