E C Extras

Tag: love

  • Do and Don’t: Dating Core Values and Aesthetics for the Business Professional

    Keona Williams

    photocred: vecteezy.com

    Dating is an action that has benefits we don’t often discuss. For the business professional, dating can be viewed as a distraction before it is viewed to be the possible means for introduction to a life partner. Previous posts, both here and other places, have discussed dating as an advantage to the life of a business professional. Often allowing a balance for the business professional by maintaining social connections, dating is not shunned here. It is important to remember that dating does have its disadvantages and warnings that are not just for the business professional, and rather are applicable for anyone who is considering dating. Here we discuss dating in a manner that is life-well for a professional. It is not to say that the dating business professional has guidelines that aren’t applicable to others, it’s rather to highlight some key factors for successful dates and to remind of some dating strategies that when altered ensure that dating doesn’t distract from the career. Successful careers can become part of a person’s life and include time outside of the office. Allowing yourself to date can offer a weight on the opposite scale and increase whole life balance. Let’s review some dating to do’s and dating don’ts.

    Don’t

    There are several universally agreeable reasons why no one really recommends the business professional date casually. Even if it is suggested those same reasons are why one either anticipates the date won’t work or ends the relationship prematurely. One super reason not to date being a business professional is that if one doesn’t date properly the action of dating can be detrimental to a career. There’s nothing worse than liking someone after each date only to realize that your career is suffering to an extent. Wait, yes there is. It would be worse not finding monogamous relationship material, dating regularly, and career detriment. Imagine dating for six months consecutively only to get an occurrence at work for attendance during the quarterly review. Don’t worry, while these don’t-do-hints can’t be guaranteed to ensure success they certainly won’t increase the likelihood of the aforementioned occurring.

    Don’t: Date too soon

    It’s never too late to start dating. It can completely be too early to start dating. This statement doesn’t refer to person of romantic interest introduction; it refers to the action of dating. When first beginning a career there can be stipulations, be sure to weight the necessity of dating to career stipulations, i.e. attendance and performance. Allowing three months or so after a career start date to begin dating isn’t the most horrible thing and can reduce stress associated with the career. The additional time alone can allow for daily organization, familiarity with requirements, and self-care strategy implementation. An ability to complete the hints secure the career further by eliminating early distraction, making sure that the action of dating is compatible with where you are positioned in a career while highlighting when it is compatible according to work responsibility, and keeps responsibility of emotional state “self” centered. This doesn’t mean that you have to avoid all forms of social contact with someone who you are interested in romantically. Try short phone calls, texts, and even emails to stay in contact during the waiting period. It shows interest without reserving a specific date right away. Keep in mind, this is for the business professional who may be just starting a career. If you are a seasoned vet where you work, this hint may not pertain to you. All of the minor details of the job and time requirements have already been worked out for the seasoned vet.

    Do

    There are some things that can ensure that a date is successful, even if it isn’t. The idea is to get to know someone better without the bitter aftertaste no matter the context of how the date went. Remember, you have a career that requires you to perform a certain way no matter what and we don’t get the date didn’t go well days off. Begin with remembering that dating is supposed to be fun, and concreting that requires that your career doesn’t suffer. When being social happens like such the equilibrium of life is restored. There is then a happy work life and a happy social life.

    Do: DATE!

    It’s important to date if you ever want to be married, and dating can be fun. It’s actually supposed to be. Dating offers a connection to a continued social life. It’s the introduction to someone who will be one of the most important persons in your life, if you are the marriage type. Because our main social-environmental relationships don’t end when a career begins, it can be valuable to begin to establish external social connections outside of those of family and close friends. True enough if dating is done right it leads to marriage and a life partner. The life partner beginning, however, is external-social being more like close friends than that of family. Therefore, dating becomes an important step towards whole-life wellness.

    photocred: vecteezy.com

    Dating Core Values and Aesthetics

    Core values of dating are different than the aesthetics of dating. Core values are aspects of the date that are determinant of rather the person is, or could be, of a continued interest. They often somehow align with the deal breakers of monogamous relationships. Core values are established earlier than acknowledged and can begin as soon as the date planning stage. It’s important to remember that there are negotiables for our deal breakers and that core values offer an insight into the person with whom the date is being scheduled. When core values align it is likely that the interest will peak to the next level.

    Core Values

    Don’t: Have the wrong conversation

    During one of those phone conversations or texts it’s likely that date planning occurs. The conversations will have core value context if there is depth to the conversation. The suggestion is to keep it light in the beginning. You’ll first want to know how each other’s day went and that alone can lead to an entire conversation. Secondly, there are aesthetic questions that are great fillers. What is your favorite movie? What is your favorite color? What is your favorite food? These questions work great for making a lite conversation or filling a conversation. Ask why and there’s an additional ten minutes of conversation before it’s counted.

    It is important that the conversation isn’t filled with talks of the career. This is true for both phone and date conversation. Remember the goal is to get to know the other person personally and allow them time to get to know you personally. Career conversation is personal, but it isn’t really all that interesting. It is also heavy conversation to an extent and the content can be physically draining. Think back to a time when there was a conversation with friends about something at work that was stressful. It’s likely by the time the conversation was complete you were tired and just wanted to figure out how to feel better during after-work hours. Heavy content conversation can literally have a physical affect. Furthermore, you don’t want to gossip about work or disclose information that is considered confidential to the career. Last but not least, never ever use the work phone for personal conversations as well.

    Do: Plan during the conversation

    When it is time to plan the first date there are some things that should be established to prevent weirdness during the date. Planning the date properly prevents the thickness in the air during certain times of a date. For the business professional where you date can be more important than realized. Initially, the thought was that dating during the day offers daylight and therefore safety. We can say that we’re adults and hopefully we don’t ever happen upon a situation where safety is a concern, although the suggestion is a good one to keep. Here, the when extends beyond daylight. Plan a date when it won’t interfere with work. Since work schedules can vary there are an array of answers for that question and only the professional is aware of what days are best.

    Another thing to discuss during the conversation is how the bill is going to be paid. Women professionals should offer to go “dutch”. For anyone who doesn’t know going dutch is offering to pay half of the bill when it arrives. Going dutch for the first few dates essentially removes any sexual connotation from the date. It establishes more of a friend vibe than a romantic one. A con of going dutch is just that, it dilutes the chivalry of the date for the man. When a man is removed from his responsibility of provider, established during the dating stage also, he can become uninterested. Explaining why you are offering to pay is best, and being honest about it reduces the likelihood of interest diminishing. For the woman business professional, you can always suggest no pay dates. Lunches and picnics make great no pay date ideas. A walk along the beach or even the public sledding hill are also great alternatives if applicable. For the male business professional offering to pay does begin to establish you as the provider of the relationship. It is why we suggest that the male professional always offers to pay for the date in its entirety if pay is required. If the relationship is not there yet, you can inquire about rather she wants to go dutch for the first few dates. Once again, daytime no pay dates are an excellent idea.

    Don’t: Plan the next date too soon or wait too long

    An attraction to someone can allow for some pretty heavy feelings. However, anticipation is great if both individuals can exercise patience. It can be tempting to plan the next date before it’s actually a good time to plan the date. The consideration is that a week or so between dates offers enough time to begin to integrate the relationship into life. When the dates are successful having a set day to spend with a new romantic interest alleviates any worries about scheduling conflicts also. This doesn’t mean shy away from impromptu meetings when comfortable with the person. It does mean that structure removes confusion and confusion is bad for any relationship.

    It can be simple to plan and consider once a week too often. Only adopt the schedule when the interest is specific, unless casually dating and there is a rotating person for date night. Believe it or not, once a week can be too soon. Afterall, there are calls; texts; emails; and any other form of communication that also fill in the void of romance. However, you don’t want to schedule too far out and interest is lost by either party. Keeping a schedule of once a week allows for focus to remain with dating. Dating has to be taken serious if your love life is of importance. This means being committed to the routine of dating and paying attention to dating requires. Time is one of those things. Remember, too little can become too much and too much can become too little so be sure to feel the dating relationship out and be verbal about where you are with your emotions.

    Don’t: Show dislike distastefully

    There are no guarantees that dates will go well. True enough, we’ve gotten to know the individual better and made the conscious choice to extend the relationship beyond communication to dedicated quality time. Still, it doesn’t guarantee that the feelings of discontinuing the dating relationship won’t occur. If it arises and ending the dating relationship is required there is a way to end the acquaintance tastefully. It’s valuable to the individual to be aware of why the acquaintance is ending. A person deserves that much if it is important to them to know why. Ghosting is never acceptable. Ghosting occurs when a person suddenly withdraws from all forms of communication with no reasoning as to why. It is considered insensitive and for the business professional unaligned with core life values. We want to be able to make conscious decisions and deductive reasoning requires explanation, so offer it. If it is you, let them know why it is you. If it is them there is no reason to be harsh about whatever personality trait or quality is causing the distain. Keep in mind that what isn’t right for you could be perfect for someone else.

    Do: Show interest if interested

    When interest is apparent, and communicated properly, it can be attractive to the other person. If they aren’t telepathically capable of reading thoughts how else are they supposed to be aware? There are a few key ways to show interest that are a signal. Escalating body language is one of the hints. From hugs to kisses says a lot about a relationship. What we don’t often consider is what the hug says about the escalation of the relationship. There is also body language of the self, subtle little escalated signals of body language that don’t involve displays of intimacy. For the business professional woman, we are all familiar with the famous hair flip and laugh. After it may be appropriate to reach in for a gentle touch of his hand, shoulder, or back. For the business professional male, placement of chairs is an unspoken one or the offering of the jacket. Additionally, be aware of her signals and be prepared. For instance, leaving the hand available for the infamous hand touch during dinner is a big one. The idea is to utilize available signals to reciprocate interest. The other option is more obvious: say it. When a dating relationship is gaining momentum it is acceptable to express verbally also. After all, body language can only say so much.

    The atmosphere of the dating relationship can also evolve with the growing interest. While daytime dating was suggested earlier, when the interest is there and monogamy is being considered changing the atmosphere of the date can say a lot also. Going from daytime dating to quiet candlelight dinners can also signal that trust is being established. Trust established in the relationship can be a giveaway that emotions are developing. Also, consider the at home date escalation. It can be the ultimate means of communicating monogamy. Afterall, not everyone gets to make it to the humble abode; especially true for the woman business professional.

    It’s important that date night offers positive psychological reinforcement. Despite what we may want to believe the responsibility of positive psychological reinforcement is not the responsibility of the person being dated. It is in fact the responsibility of the self. One key factor is feeling great and looking great, another reason to implement a self-care day when necessary or regularly scheduled. Dating is a step towards accomplishing the goal of marriage. Marriage, for those who are interested, is a major component of well life. It’s valuable to start off on the right foot. Dating properly doesn’t have to be detrimental to the business professional. It can instead offer a helping hand in establishing what is a well-rounded and happy life.

  • What is closure? Why is it necessary for relationships?

    Keona Williams

    The technology era has changed a lot for a lot of us. If we consider how our parents dated, for instance, and how we now date there’s an entirely new and increasing social environment via the internet. One of the newest trends that we have the privy to is ghosting. Ghosting is when an individual disappears from a serious relationship for an undetermined amount of time. If the romantic relationship was serious for both ghosting isn’t a good sign. If the relationship was unreciprocated from one of the two, or more, then ghosting is the absence of closure for the one who wasn’t prepared for the relationship to end. What is closure then? Closure is an ability to proper discontinue a romantic relationship, or the proper way to end a disagreement. Previous writings discuss communication and how to properly complete the concept. The idea isn’t to overly complicate the observation of conversation, it is rather to solidify how verbal communication is viewed to the everyday individual. Closure then, is at the least dually operational. Let’s observe how and why.

           More than just an emotional response regulation occurs when a romantic or lover relationship is established. There is an entire psychological response, and systematic memory connection, at the least that occurs. While I don’t know about you all, it’s a good thing for me that the mind is probably more in tune with an intimate/romantic/sexual partner than the physical heart. Don’t take it lightly though people, let’s continue observing the psychological imprint. Relationships follow and form specific connections psychologically. The classic theoretical component of nature vs. nurture observes rather our psyche is developmental of nature or nurture. Psychologically we structure concrete constructs during infancy and up until about school-aged. From there, we establish a generalized response to all sorts of possible relationships and situations. Business, friend, or romantic relationships stem from what is observed from our first relationships.

    Repetitively, we connect familiar things and allow the evolution of the thought or understanding to occur when we remember, that’s when we don’t know we’re remembering also. The core of most of the social connections we create have the basis of parents or guardians. Adults generally suffice independently with the material things that we understand necessary to live an adequate life. Building from the generalized, cookie cutter, requirements from childhood we sift through deciding what should be repeated and what shouldn’t. It’s the early establishing for adulthood. Emotionally, the relationships provide and support what we no longer probably have every day from our initial nurture. There is one observation for proper closure to a romantic relationship; rather it’s known or not the romantic/sexual relationship can be as important as the relationship with family or friends.

    What is closure specifically? Well, it’s the proper conclusion of a relationship. Love interest relationships can, and often do, dissipate before the other relationships experienced. Why it’s like that? There is no specific data that answers that question right now. Common sense would say that someone who we have sex with is more valuable than our friends or family, for instance. Sex doesn’t occur with friends, yet we place a higher value on friendships than romantic relationships until the romantic relationship becomes serious, an engagement, or marriage. It’s the individual that we shared intimacy with best practice says keep a lover closer than a friend. The bond we have with friends outweighs romance when it begins undoubtedly. Yet, the disregard we can have for the romance/sex relationship is uncanny. With ghosting the individuals may or may not have already had sex, it’s still a really bad way to dissolve a relationship. Closure then is a conversation, an inevitable one for some. Here are a few hints at keeping the conversation focused and directed. Feelings are already hurt, closure allows for healing to begin.

    First. Initiate the conversation. An inability to initiate and be an active part of the inevitable conversation that allows for closure is the root cause for ghosting. The anxiety connected to the conversation is normal, it’s ending and someone or both are hurt. It can be difficult to reflect on the flaws of the relationship, this is especially truthful when one person has unresolved emotions. Oddly enough, closure begins to allow the feelings and emotions to move from anger or sadness to thoughts of understanding and acceptance. This can only occur once the “talk” happens. There are a few things that should be discussed during the conversation that allow for adequate information to remove the sadness and anger.

    Second. Steer clear of the “it’s not you, it’s me” answer. While it makes sense to want to accept blame to spare feelings, the answer doesn’t explain what the actual problems during the relationship were. The ex hasn’t forgotten, and that answer is only likely to invoke a host of other emotions. The “it’s not you, it’s me” answer is best for relationships where sex was probably first and foremost. No one whose lain in a bed with someone, dated, or experienced some other sort of serious gesture of romance wants to hear it’s you. It wasn’t you when the relationship was right or working. It isn’t good to play at their intelligence, if the relationship was serious an ex will hear that it is something to distract from what the problems were during the relationship. It isn’t your responsibility to guard their feelings to the extent of hindering their individual growth. Instead, be sure to ask and answer questions about both the good and the bad of the relationship.

    Third. Environment matters. There’s no perfect place to tell someone that you want to end a relationship. There’s no good place to hear a relationship you are part of is ending. What is important is that both of you are safe and it’s private. Privacy here doesn’t mean at each other’s homes, or a home that is shared. Ideally a soon to be ex couple could sit in the living room and have a discussion about the turmoil of the relationship and someone gets up and leaves amicably. That is ideally only, and unfortunately ideally isn’t always safely. It’s important to understand that hurt feelings are fragile. When someone is hearing something that could be hurtful, ironically sometime, a public place is best. Yes, the public place is likely to control the emotions and feelings connected to the breakup. It is least likely that anyone will misbehave to an irreparable extent when out in public. Dinner can be a solid choice. Remember content and volume of the conversation wherever the conversation occurs. It’s important to be where the conversation isn’t available for others to hear with minimal effort required. It’s already an ending relationship, you wouldn’t want to add injury to insult for either by adding embarrassment.

    Fourth. Schedule a phone call.Although the relationship is ending if the couple didn’t drive to the location together it is best practice to ensure that each are home safely. Scheduling a phone call allows both individuals to step away from the situation and calm. There doesn’t need to be a specific topic, or even a super long phone call. The goal is to alleviate any negative thoughts, feelings, or emotions about the breakup. Essentially, the phone call is both parties appreciating each other’s ability to be an adult. There could be items that need to be divided, dropped off, or picked up. There could be social media updates that need to be made. Whatever the loose ends of the relationship are should be discussed and figured out during the call.

    Closure then, is conversation that is constructive criticism for a relationship. It is best to allow closure for several reasons. Remember to recap the good and constructively criticize the bad. Be sure to schedule contact at least once after the breakup outing. Allow a moment for both to understand thoughts, feelings, and behaviors toward the ending of the relationship. Be prepared, present, and accepting of what is next; optimism is the key to success.